Happy Mother's Day
My Adoptive Mother - Anita M. Jensen/Mittelstaedt/Baer
It’s Mother’s Day today! Happy Mother’s Day to all the mothers! I always have mixed emotions on this day. As an adoptee, I think of my biological mother along with all the other women who were like mothers to me in my life. But not to exclude my adoptive mother. I have a complicated relationship with my adoptive mother, or I should say I am somewhat estranged from her. I do not have a lot of good memories of her or with her. Actually, I do not remember a lot of my growing-up years except for all the emotional and physical trauma from her. She was not a competent, fit mother as she didn’t have the resources or emotional quotient to handle life stressors. I do believe my adoptive mother loved me in a way she knew how, even though her actions and words never aligned with the love that I expected, wanted, and needed.
After taking psychology courses in college, I recognized the dysfunctions in my family system. After lots of therapy and reckoning with myself, I now can say my mother did the best she could and what she knew. It doesn’t excuse her behavior but it does explain the ineptness of her as a parent and a mother. I do love her and continue to pray for her. But I don’t have a mother-daughter relationship as I have always wanted and wished for. I don’t think she has the skills to have a parent/daughter relationship. I have tried but she still sees me as a little girl. I still struggle with my own shame, guilt, and the part I played in the dysfunction as it always takes more than one to tangle.
I am thankful for the other women who stepped up and were like mothers to me. So this Mother’s Day, remember to thank and appreciate all the women who were mother figures in your life.