Etiquette of Gift Giving at Asian Weddings

Not that I am getting married anytime soon! But did you know that it is customary that guests to give wedding couples money instead of a gift from the registry?

As is tradition, giving the marrying couples envelopes of cash is known in Korean as chug-ui-geum, or congratulatory money. Having a wedding in South Korea would allow them not only to share the joyous occasion with their family and friends but also to offset the costs of the event with reciprocated cash gifts from attendees.

It has long been custom to congratulate marrying couples with cash instead of gifts from a registry. In South Korea, guests present their envelopes of cash to an appointed friend or family member of the newlywed couple upon arriving at the reception. In return, they are presented with a meal ticket that allows them entrance to the wedding banquet, and the amount given is discreetly written in a register. Guests who cannot attend are given the option to wire money to the newlyweds’ bank account number written on the invitation.

A parent at a Korean wedding is referred to as the hon-ju, or owner of the wedding. Many Korean couples work out a system with their parents in which they keep a specific portion of the money. However, when money may be a point of contention, some brides will appoint a gabang-sooni, or person in charge of your bag, to collect the money in private rather than at the reception.

Gift money is never meant to be physically seen. To work around this, many Asian cultures have special envelopes for the occasion. In South Korea, only crisp, new bills are to be presented — stacked front-first — in a white envelope with the giver’s name written vertically on it.

General advice from Korean blogs and society reporting recommends asking yourself these questions to understand what constitutes a close relationship: Is the person inviting you a work colleague? Did you receive a mobile invitation only? Does your mother know this person’s name? Would your mother’s response to hearing the person’s name be “Oh, right, that person’s daughter”? Any answer pointing to closeness would add to the appropriate amount — typically resulting in a payment from 50,000 won ($39) to 100,000 won ($77), according to a survey of South Korean singles in 2022.

Source: New York Times - August 12, 2023